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I am formulating a plan, a way to semi-retire as cheaply as possible, without living in a shitty bedsit in Australia (which will cost me $350 AUD a week just for rent before bills…).

While I still want to live in Australia (more on how I might do that cheaply later), I figure there are cheaper places to be, even places I might consider exotic, where I can languish for a month at a time very cheaply, via monthly rentals of furnished apartments with bills included.

And write.
Plus a bit of freelance work. At $50 USD per hour, a $400 USD monthly rent is quite doable…

So I am starting a list, feeling my way around the concept. Something like 2 months away, one month in Melbourne, repeat. Places I could live for a month or two. I need to analyse the whole planet and work out where the journeys to and fro make sense economically, because flying is of course not cheap.

My golden rule is that I must be able to haver accommodation, with Internet, for under $600 USD per month.

PLACES I CAN STAY

Cairo
Nepal
Chiang Mai
Vietnam
(especially Phu Quoc – own room in a backpackers for $12/day rainy season, national park has various monkeys

Nairobi, Kenya
Kampala, Uganda

Quito, Ecuador or Bogota, Colombia are very cheap, or literally anywhere in South America qualifies. I cannot and will not speak Spanish though 🙁

Sri Lanka – hotel for $800/mo, hostels from $12 + flights $700 e/w
Best time for OK weather but not tourist peak is November for the South+ West and January-March in the East+North

Some really rough impoverished part of the US
Eastern Europe with difficult languages
South America?
China?

PLACES I CANNOT STAY

UK / Ireland
Hawaii
Australia (away from home)
NZ

Reasons for visiting:

Unless you come from Korea, Japan is probably more different to your homeland than anywhere else, unless you live in Amazon jungle or Antartica. That alone makes it worthwhile. 

It is affordable. Japan used to be named as the most expensive place to be, but these days accommodation, food and drink are roughly the same price as Australia/USA. 

Flights have got much cheaper. 

Reasons for not visiting:

There is nothing here you can’t get elsewhere except for a glimpse of their culture and the food (if you are a fan of Japanese food). 

These things are a all better in other lands:

• Volcanoes (Japan has heaps but are pretty much inaccesible)
• Disneyland – meh
• High buildings and towers – meh
• Museums – too biased
• Beaches – not enough good ones to mention
• Castles, most here are recent rebuilds and not that great anyway. Europe does way better
• Scenery – 99% of the country looks the same. Every city looks the same. The mountains are the same shape and densely forested. No part of the country has individual character. Note: I haven’t been to Okinawa or Hokkaido

These are issues:

• The monotony gets to you
• Japan has a huge tourist industry but individual locals typically aren’t keen. They will pretend you don’t exist
• Most restaurants and bars are not welcoming to foreigners.  Even places like Italian restaurants.  Touts for prostitutes will ignore you. 
• Outside of a very few locations, English is very rarely understood, even at a basic level. Worse than probably any other country. 

My advice:

Come and take a look, but unless you have a specific mission (like skiing), a week is more than enough. 

If I were to bring someone here I would: 

2 days in Osaka, concentrating on the insane nightlife and shopping

1 day in Kyoto doing. Cultural stuff

2 days in Matsumoto and the highlands

3 days in Tokyo, visiting the unique suburbs, plus Golden Gai. 

I would ignore every single “tourist attraction” 

There’s many an ancient temple or castle to see in Japan, but most are recent, concrete reconstructions. Better than nothing but ruins it for me.

The oldest intact interesting items are in Asuka, 1 hour by train from Osaka, and I’m guessing the same distance from Kyoto.

Even if you don’t like ancient things, it is still awesome.

The shrines, temples and tumuli are quite spread out, in all corners of this small town. It took me 3 hours to see half of them. On bicycle.

The town isn’t picture perfect, it isn’t tarted up for tourists. There are no restaurants with English signage. It is a working town with schools and gas stations and rice paddies. But the landscape is quintessential Japanese, with big beautiful leafy trees, creeks, small hills, little veggie patches, cute houses, narrow alleys and front yards with 5 foot bonsai trees.

You get to see a lovely rural town and regular Japanese life from a bicycle (300 yen per hour). The bike paths are excellent and mostly flat. You might encounter the odd tour bus but mostly there are a handful of people at each “attraction”.

Most are free. Otherwise little old ladies tick boxes on ledger pads. This is not a commercial operation at all.

The top image is the Tortoise Stone. Basically everything here dates to around 700AD.

These are two out of three parts of a stone chamber that was once in a mound. The top fell off and ended up 100m downhill.

And this is the best of the ones I saw. You don’t need to go to Bolivia to marvel at perfectly fitting giant boulders. Try and do this at home without machinery… This tumulus is on quite a big mound, with surrounding moat.

I always deliberately not do something when visiting places I like. Checkout this insane carved rock that’s a bit like a spaceship.

http://benotdefeatedbytherain.blogspot.com/2014/06/the-ancient-rock-ship-of-asuka.html?m=1

A reason to return…

The most predominant people out tonight are 30-something local men from a variety of backgrounds. I don’t know this culture and can’t judge. I don’t judge – I look, feel, think and consider. Judge is shorthand.

Second most are 50ish Anglo bald men (equals testosterone) in tank tops, predating solo or in packs. I have no desire to anywhere near them.

Next are the inept spruikers, where they target me more often than not in non-English, and otherwise they know one word. I represent the big spenders (I guess) and the chicks at Maccas do a better job.

And then there are Anglo couples young and old, a few with kids, acting like this is the adventure they paid for.

People are selling horrid T-shirt’s, $1 jewelry, socks and so on. Some beggars are truly unfortunate physically, others are phoning it in. In the rain, some “offer” umbrellas without a price mentioned upfront.

Many bars give enticing meal offers but the small print tells a different story. That pisses me off no end.

And to be blunt, the prostitutes, to me, seem too young, too plain, too desperate and perhaps unskilled. I gave no experience in this area, but titillating they are not.

I have no desire to party here.

But this may sway me. Meanwhile I will bask in air-con and read literature

Massive shopping malls can be right next to you without knowing.

Clothing and alcohol are Aussie prices. Transport, food, accommodation are 1/3 to 1/2 price.

The place is modern. Travel cards, Uber alikes, cards taken everywhere. Pretty clean for a humid Asian city, although the smells of rotting fruit and carpet are everywhere.

The cultural mix is almost like Blade Runner. Indians, Arabs, Malays, Chinese. Apart from headscarves the Muslim aspect is not visible.

The city seems to be struggling with how much it has English language. Much more English than most places in Asia. But not effortless for visitors. Signage is a mixed bag.

Holding doors open gets no response from anyone.

Motorbikes seem to be allowed to ignore some traffic lights.

Cops don’t (seem to) have guns 🙂

Fashion doesn’t exist here. In Aussie terminology almost everyone is dressed like a bogan.

White foreigners aren’t much of a factor, and very little caters for any home comforts they might be after. This is good of course.

Probably the best introduction to South East Asia for anyone who wants a taste during a stopover.

The red dots are were you have been. Red flashing dot is next stop. Green dots are where you are going. The green dots move, flowing in the direction you are heading. Everyone can understand this, regardless of language.

Shame that every second window is shattered. Kuala Lumpur seems to have a bit of everything.

Take the train. It goes straight there and is $1 each way.

Go to this cave (Ramayana) as well. $2 and you pretty much get it to yourself. Way more interesting than the bigger free cave. Right there at the train station exit.

It is a shame. The caves are worthy of building a train line for, yet this cave has zero attendants and is covered in graffiti.

Bring a hand fan. The climb is hard work in humid weather.

I saw many people taking photos of pigeons. It is as if people need to validate or even own the experience with photos. I only take photos when I am trying to be artistic, or it would be easier to explain something to someone later. Of course shared memories count if you travel with others.

Board the return train early if possible. I was 30 mins early, got a seat, and it has air-con.

Imagine being at an intimate restaurant with your girlfriend. Then imagine the same restaurant with one thousand tables, and one thousand strangers dating replicas of your girlfriend. Doesn’t feel quite as special. That’s how I feel at tourist attractions. The Waitimo caves in NZ feel a lot more special and interesting than here.

Look for photos of the main cave online. There are more and better than I can do.

I’m not homesick, this is the afternoon of the first day away.

But for anyone in Kuala Lumpur who is homesick, I went somewhere cool (it is very humid here) to read a book before checkin time and discovered

6 reasons to visit KLCC if you are a homesick tourist.

There’s a cinema complex although some cinemas are tiny

The Isetan supermarket is high quality and has everything imaginable

Marks and Spencer’s has a food court with English type food

There is a massive, wonderful bookstore, one of the best I have ever seen. Lots of magazines as well. However everything is shrink wrapped

Air conditioning

Train goes right to it

You can also do the twin towers tourist thing if it appeals

Alternatively Nu Sentral is very similar and almost as good.

My enjoyment of KL may depend on the sleep I get on this 1am flight. I’m happy with the formula: 2 nights of staying up late + 2 Valium + 375ml of vodka.

But I know I will be restless over not buying a last minute Armani product for the flight. Congrats Melbourne for having such a unique and iconic walk to the gates.

This bad boy will be in my bag everywhere I go in Japan, and we will defeat the evil of the tricky chopsticks. A fork and spoon duo would rattle, so I went for this.